I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
