I accidentally had phone sex last night
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
