Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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