I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
