So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
