I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
