He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Enjoy the penises
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
