And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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