Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
