shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
