The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
