I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
