he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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