Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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