The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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