I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
are you so shy because you have an std?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
should my penis look like a turkey
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
