so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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