I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
