Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
