it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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