i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
