also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
