He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
