Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize