from now on my penis is your penis
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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