I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
