we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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