And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
