I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
