I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize