totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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