I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
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Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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