Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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