shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
