mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
