2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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