My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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