I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
