The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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