Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
