found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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