apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We need to rekindle our bromance
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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