One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
