I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
