My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
