I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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