Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am naked and annoyed.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
