his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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