Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
