Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
