So drunk its hurt
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
