Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The air was thick with penises
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
