Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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