I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
