How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
