I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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