i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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