so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
