Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
