last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
