I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
