it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
