I just made out with a guy for $7.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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