you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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