Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
