her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she peed on how many people?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
